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Guide to Writing Your Own Vows

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I DO

10 Vow Tips You Need to Read Before Writing Your Own

Don’t get started until you give these tips a once-over.
by Simone Hill
 

1. Read lots of vow examples for inspiration.

Start by reading traditional, by-the-book vows from your own religion if you practice a certain faith, and others as well, to see what strikes a chord with you. Incorporate these samples into the original words you write or simply use them as a jumping-off point. Once you’ve found a few you love, consider what it is about the style that draws you to those vows in particular.

Bride and groom during vow exchange ceremony

2. Agree on format and tone with your partner.

Decide how you want your vows to come across. Do you envision them as humorous? Poetic and romantic? Go over the logistics too. Will you write them separately or together? Will they be completely different or will you make the same promises to each other as you would with traditional vows? Some couples do a little of each. Finally, will you share them with each other or keep them a secret until the wedding day?

 

3. Jot down notes about your relationship.

Take some time to reflect on your partner. Think about how you felt when you first met, what made you fall in love and when you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together. Write it all out to get your creative gears turning. Ask yourself certain questions and think about things like why you decided to get married, what hard times you’ve gone through together, what you’ve supported each other through, what challenges you envision for your future, what you want to accomplish together, what makes your relationship tick, what you thought when you first saw your partner, when you realized you were in love, what you respect most about your partner, how your life has gotten better since meeting your partner, what inspires you about your partner, what you miss most about them when you’re apart—and so on. 

4. Come up with one or two, or many, promises.

They’re called vows for a reason, so the promises are the most important part. Include promises that are broad in scope (like, “I promise I’ll always be there to support you,” for instance), as well as ones that are very specific to the two of you (like, “I promise I’ll always let you watch Game of Thrones on Sundays.”)

5. Write it all out.

Now that you have notes, you’re ready to establish a structure and write your first draft. It’s helpful to break it into a four-part outline: Affirm your love, praise your partner, offer promises and close with a final vow. Another way to organize it is to start with a short story and then circle back to it at the end.

6. Avoid clichés.

Now that you have your first draft, it’s time to make edits. Borrow from nonreligious poetry and books, and even from romantic movies, but don’t let someone else’s words overpower your own. You want your vows to sound like you and relate to your relationship, and that won’t happen if every word is borrowed from other sources. And if you find yourself relying on cliché phrases (you know, those sayings that have been used over and over so many times they no longer sound genuine) to get your point across, try coming up with a specific example from your relationship that has a similar message. For example, instead of saying, “Love is blind,” you might say, “You’ll always be the most beautiful person to me, whether you’re in sweatpants or dressed to the nines.”

7. Take out anything too cryptic or embarrassing.

You’ve invited your family and friends to witness your vows in order to make your bond public, so be sure everyone feels included in the moment. That means putting a limit on inside jokes, deeply personal anecdotes and obscure nicknames or code words. You’ll want to think about how your vows will sound 10 years from now. If you’re okay with sharing your vows beforehand, you can have a friend or family member read it over ahead of time for feedback. 

8. Shorten your vows to one to two minutes, max.

Your vows are important, but that doesn’t mean they should drag on. When you say something meaningful, you shouldn’t have to say it over and over—so pick the most important points and make them. If yours are running longer than two minutes, make some edits. Put some of the more personal thoughts in a letter or gift to your partner on the morning of your wedding and save any guest-related topics for your toasts.

Bride and groom ring exchange at ceremony

9. Practice out loud (seriously). 

It might sound a little awkward, but this really is the best way to prep. Remember to practice, listen to yourself and improve from there. Your vows should be easy to say and sound conversational. As you recite them, listen for any tongue twisters and super-long sentences, then cut them. This is also the time to practice the delivery. And remember: When you’re at the altar, stand straight, look at your spouse and use your hands expressively (but only in small gestures). 

10. Make a clean copy for yourself.

The paper you read from should be legible, so even if you’re working on it right up until a few moments before your ceremony, use a fresh piece of paper free of cross-outs, arrows and notes. And give some thought to the presentation too because it’ll likely end up in the photos. You can hand write it in a sweet journal or vow book, or cut and paste the computer print to fit within that. And it also makes a nice keepsake to hang in your home later on. Also, have a backup plan. If you find yourself too emotional to speak (it happens!), you can have your officiant either prompt you by quietly saying the vows first or read the vows on your behalf.

Beautiful Unique Outdoor Wedding Ceremonies and Reception

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Wedding Inspirations

Let our inspirations inspire your imagination to create the wedding of your dreams – from storybook romance or breezy island chic to avant-garden or refined coastal luxury. You can mix and match our tasteful décor options to reflect your personal style. Our inspirations are styled ideas, colors, flowers, and finishing touches that will guide you through the planning journey and bring your vision to life.

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inspired by The Islands

 

ISLAND CHIC INSPIRATION

Ethereal and dreamlike with a tropical twist, Island Chic is the ideal choice for nature lovers with a stylish side. Even your reception boasts a scene that seems to emerge organically from the lush landscape, blending the unbridled beauty of paradise with chic details to make your day extraordinary.

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inspired by Sophistication

 

SIGNATURE STATEMENT INSPIRATION

Make a statement, a signature statement, one that’s sophisticated and simply breathtaking. Your “I do’s” take center stage under a tasseled floral chandelier. Toast your union with a reception featuring an architectural geometric bar that perfectly accents the classic details of this inspiration.

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inspired by Gold

 

BAND OF GOLD INSPIRATION

Create your own golden rule with a stunning inspiration that frames your special day in modern elegance. Both your ceremony and reception offer a rush of gold, with accents of sapphire and white blooms creating a sophisticated backdrop for your special day. It’s the perfect marriage of elegance and romance, and an inspiration with a heart of gold.

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inspired by Tropics

 

WHEN IN THE TROPICS INSPIRATION

This picture-perfect inspiration transforms the waterfront canvas of an aquamarine sea and deep blue sky, creating an idyllic backdrop for your ceremony. Beneath a dramatic row of splendidly arched palm fronds adorned with brightly colored blooms, the island vibe infuses your reception with vibrant color.

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inspired by Nature

 

CARIBBEAN BREEZES INSPIRATION

For a ceremony as breezy and natural as the islands themselves, look to this organic inspiration. Carefree shabby-chic meets relaxed romance, beautifully blending nature with artfully crafted details. Seeming to emerge naturally from the lush seascapes of paradise, your reception completes the ethereal atmosphere of your celebration of love.

Your Wedding Planner

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Why use a wedding Planner?

Many wedding planners offer differ levels of services, depending on the needs of the bride and groom. These can include event design, full service planning, day of event coordination, and a la carte services.

Couples who are too busy or planning a very elaborate affair generally call for the services of a full service wedding planner. This includes hiring vendors, the design of the ceremony and reception space, transportation, and more – the full service wedding planner manages every single detail.

A la carte, event design, and day of event coordination reflect the various phases and responsibilities that a wedding planner provides.

Why take a chance with a Planner?

Dream about what you would like, but let a trained professional from ABC help your wedding dreams come true – and also on time and under budget ! Our behind-the scenes professionals can manage the hard work for you, so you can spend more time with your families. A trusted wedding planner can help you decide what details are a must for your big day and which can be spared to save money. A wedding planner can suggest items such as a band, flowers, and monogrammed cocktail napkins are not a requirement, but rather an area to cut the budget. Instead, hire a DJ and replace flowers with candles to cut costs!

Why Choose De’Fahcyi Planner? 

We are a part of the oldest and largest group of wedding professionals in the world, we have been making wedding dreams come true. As a member of Association of Bridal Consultant we feel that ABC a company that as been around since 1955 offers the most detailed and comprehensive training in the industry. Also, all of our ABC members agree to uphold the ABC Code of Ethics and Professional Standards of Membership.

WEDDING PARTY

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PITTER PATTER

FINALLY YOURS

Choosing who will stand up with you on one of the most important days of your life may seem daunting, but don’t worry—we’re here to walk you through the steps. So take a deep breath, we promise it’s not as tough as it seems.

Think twice before you ask.

Once you’ve asked someone to be in your wedding party, you can’t go back. So while it may be tempting to ask all of your favorite friends to be in your wedding party the minute you get engaged, don’t. Take your time. Give yourself at least a month, if you can, to mull over the options. Then ask yourself this question: Will I be just as close to this person in five years as I am now?

Tip for the taking: If you’re on the fence about asking someone to be in your wedding party, consider how they’d fit in with the rest of your attendants. If you don’t think they’d mesh with your crew, leave them off the list.

Set honest expectations.

What sort of a role do you want your wedding party to play? Is it important to you that they help to address wedding invites, shop for your day-of attire with you and attend all of the prewedding parties? Or will it be enough for them to wear what you choose and show up on your wedding day? If you want a very involved wedding party, it may not be the best idea to ask friends or family who live far away or have extremely hectic schedules. You may be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Tip for the taking: For friends who can’t commit for whatever reason (they live out of town or are busy at work), let them in on just a few wedding prep activities, like an invitation stuffing party complete with wine and pizza.

Include your brothers and sisters.

Not to sound like your mom, but think about it: Even if you’re not particularly close to his sister or her brother, siblings are going to be around well past your 10-year anniversary, and chances are, you’ll become closer over the years. If you come from a big family and you can’t possibly include everyone, draw the line at teenagers. Instead, make them a part of the ceremony by asking them to pass out programs or seat guests.

Tip for the taking: Traditionally, it’s ladies on one side and guys on the other, but feel free to break that rule and have them stand on either side of the aisle.

Consider the size of your wedding.

You can have as many (or few) bridesmaids and groomsmen as you like. The average wedding party size is four on either side. Use that as a guide when you decide. Depending on formality, go larger or smaller. For a smaller wedding with around 50 to 60 guests, have no more than four, but for a larger wedding of, say, 150, you could go up to 12 if you really wanted. Just keep this in mind: More isn’t always merrier. The more attendants you have, the more details to organize —flattering tuxes or dresses, a bachelor or bachelorette party with 12 attendants who have busy schedules, wedding party gifts and so much more.

Tip for the taking: If there are a lot of people you want to include in your wedding party but just can’t, give them other roles, like usher, ceremony reader or candlelighter.

Call him the man of honor and her the best woman.

Guys can stand with the bride and women can stand with the groom. It’s really up to you—what’s most important is that you include your favorite people, women and men.

Tip for the taking: There are no hard-and-fast rules about how to dress them. You can dress your groomswomen in tuxedos or dresses (or even rompers), and your bridesmen can look just like the groomsmen or they can match their suits to the bridesmaid dresses. Just make sure they’re comfortable with whatever you want them to wear.

Choose responsible honor attendants.

The best honor attendants are friends who are responsible (since you’re going to rely on them for some big wedding planning tasks and to hold on to your expensive rings) and good at providing emotional support, because there just might be a few prewedding meltdowns. (It also helps if they’re super-fun, since they’ll be planning the bachelor and bachelorette parties.)

Tip for the taking: If your best friend isn’t always the most dependable person, it’s perfectly okay to have two best men or maids of honor. Pick your unpredictable BFF and another friend you can rely on for the big, important duties.

Don’t ask someone just because they asked you.

Weddings are no time for quid pro quo. You don’t need to ask someone to be in your wedding because they asked you to be in their wedding. Don’t ask the college roommate you haven’t spoken to in five years just to return the favor.

Tip for the taking: If they want to talk to you about why they aren’t in your wedding, be completely honest. Explain that it was a tough decision but you really felt like you should have the people you feel closest to at this point in your life standing up for you, and there are so many of those people (including him or her) that you had to leave out some very special ones.

Research other roles.

You might need ushers to lead the guests to their seats at the ceremony, plus a few people to light candles and distribute programs. But there are a lot of other options as well. Maybe you have a musically inclined friend who would love to play something at the reception. Or what about that friend who is an amazing writer? Have them pen a poem or meaningful essay to share at your ceremony.

Tip for the taking: Think twice before offering your friends obscure, not-so-needed positions, like guest book attendant. (Would you want to do that?) Most people would be happier with a VIP corsage and a reserved seat at the ceremony.

Kids aren’t required.

If there are no children you two feel particularly close to, you don’t need a flower girl and/or ring bearer. And if you have many children you want to include, feel free. Have three little flower girls instead of one and give them each their own basket of flower petals ( boys might enjoy throwing flower petals too!). Or have your two little ones walk down the aisle as pages. They can bear the ring, hold a keepsake or carry a “Here Comes the Bride” sign.

Tip for the taking: Having an adults-only wedding? You can still have kids play their roles at the ceremony and not allow them at the reception. If you do that, consider setting up a room for kids with a babysitter during the reception and have some fun foods and activities planned.

GALLERY

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DIAMOND SPARKLES[/caption]

 

 

 

 

 

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